Determination

Well, I need some. Determination that is.

I've had four kids. The baby weight that I put on during each pregnancy practically fell off within a month after having my first three babies. I attributed the quick weight loss to nursing. Now, after my fourth, most of the weight is still on (7 months later) and it's being extremely stubborn. I'm nursing exclusively and it's going nowhere. I'll loose a pound or two and gain a pound back. Loose another pound or two and gain another pound back.

While Tim was away at his old job (away for weeks at a time) I developed the most horrible eating habits. I went to food to relieve my stress from taking care of the kids all by myself from sunrise until sundown, with a few newborn nighttime feedings in there as well. I literally didn't get a break. Food was my break. I ate a lot during the kid's naptimes and after they went to bed at night. I didn't have time or energy to exercise. It doesn't take long before those actions become habits. And the habits are so hard to kick.

Exercise has recently become apart of my daily life. I gave Tim a Wii for Valentine's Day and as it turns out, I've benefited from it as well. There's this "game" you can get called "My Personal Trainer." The "game" is personalized based upon a 30 minute profile that you set up for yourself. Then the trainer creates workouts for you to help you get to your desired goals. It's amazing... being able to get a great (personalized) workout in from your own home! I've done pretty well with it so far. I make sure to get a good 30 minute workout in Monday-Friday. I feel great, especially if I workout in the morning.

My problem is my determination to beat my food addictions. I view them as truly that. Just as any other addict, I have high and loftly goals for my eating each morning, but by bedtime, I'm feeling extremely guilty and beat myself up over my bad choices. I've been trying to refocus. Trying to do something during my normal "snack times." (Like exercise, chew gum, drink water, read my Bible or work around the house.) I'm just having to get over my negative desires and overcome this addiction. I remember how amazing I felt when I was eating healthy. I long to get back there! Determination.

There's something that happens in me when I post honestly about my struggles. My mindset changes. I see things more clearly. So, let it begin. Today is a brand new day... and it's going to be a good day. :)